By Sara and Jeff Tow
It’s a story you’ve heard countless times before. Man meets woman. They fall in love. They date. They get engaged and they marry. They live together in a small home. They have a dog and good jobs. Time goes by, and they move to a small Midwestern town and long to have children.
A baby is born and that familiar story changes.
Both mom and dad slip into depression in his or her own way. The dad sleeps a lot and works a lot, and is generally disconnected. The mom doesn’t eat like she should and loses a lot of weight. She has intrusive thoughts about the child that she shouldn’t. He takes off for a week on a motorcycle trip.
Both parents go on as if nothing is wrong, while suffering in silence – knowing that things aren’t right, but assuming that this is normal after having your first child. To some extent, things get better. And while it appears the depression is gone, it’s just been pushed to the side by day-to-day life.
Another baby is born.
And it happens again.
Looking back on our experiences with our children, now 8 and 10, we are able to see what was really going on during our lives after the kids were born. We were both suffering from postpartum depression, a perinatal mood disorder that strikes 1 out of 7 women and 1 out of 10 men. And, because we were both suffering, neither of us was equipped or able to really assist the other. We got through it, but in hindsight, it was ugly.
Wanting to help others suffering with similar issues, Sara co-founded MomsBloom in 2008 after spending several years as a postpartum doula and teaching parents infant massage to help them better connect with their children. MomsBloom has successfully put hundreds of volunteers into homes to help give parents a break and direct them to resources in town to get help. By being there, MomsBloom volunteers can help spot the warning signs and get help for the family as needed. Not everyone has family members nearby, so this is a critical resource for our community.
As much as MomsBloom has made an impact in our local community, we’ve felt strongly that more can be done to bring attention and awareness to this mental illness that often goes unnoticed, yet greatly affects families
In August of 2011, we planned and started training to be the first married couple to complete an ultra-marathon swim across Lake Michigan in an effort to raise awareness for Perinatal Mood Disorders, including Postpartum Depression and other related illnesses.
Speaking openly about our experiences coupled with the attention drawn from the swim will get this mental illness the attention it needs and deserves.
Swimming in open water reminds us of parenting. When your baby is born, you are stepping into unknown territory, much like stepping off the sand and into the water of a lake.
Once in the water, there will be currents that carry you forward and there will be waves that push you off course. You’ll look ahead and it will seem never ending. The horizon is there, and while you’re moving ahead, it continues to move away. There will be times when you’ll slice through the water and other times where you feel like you’re drowning.
But then you’ll get into a flow. The waves will calm, the sun will shine and you’ll walk onto the beach a stronger, more purposeful parent, ready to take on the world.
For some, this connection is very natural; for others, it requires more work. No matter what people tell you, what books you read or what websites you frequent, your parenting experience will be your own unique adventure.
And here’s the best part. You don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to suffer. Resources exist today that didn’t exist as little as 5-10 years ago. Doctors are more equipped to spot the signs of Postpartum Depression and counselors can help people get through it.
Follow us at
Through The Blue as we navigate the deep dark waters of Lake Michigan to raise awareness of this mental illness that effects over one million people every year.
When we step onto the beach in Ludington, Mich. next August, we hope to be a reminder to those who are suffering that help is available. There is no need to try and be supermom and superdad.
Be
super parents by taking care of yourselves, so you can be there for your baby.
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