The tears fall freely when a member of the family dies, and that includes the pets many hold dear. Kent City resident Carol Ashcroft learned this all too well when her 11-year-old English setter, Delmon, died in June.
“I held onto Delmon’s collar for two weeks (after he died),” says Ashcroft. “He declined very quickly.”
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Courtesy Bill and Carol AshcroftBill and Carol Ashcroft pose with their dog, Delmon, who died in June.
This is not Ashcroft’s first time she grappled with heartache. Annie, a Brittney spaniel, died in 2012. If there’s a silver lining to any of this, it’s that she had a grief support group to pour out her heartache to those who understood what she was going through.
“You’re very vulnerable, but it’s also a safe space,” Ashcroft says of the support group. “You can share whatever it is you’re doing to help you get through this.”
Coping with sorrow
The death of a dog, cat, bird, or any other animal companion understandably puts people into an emotional tailspin, according to the Rev. Ginny Mikita, an attorney in Rockford, ordained interfaith minister through One Spirit Interfaith Seminary and — key to her Animal Loss Grief Support Group — an ordained animal chaplain through the Compassion Consortium’s Animal Chaplaincy Training.
Mikita’s grief support group helps people cope with their sorrow either because of a death or imminent demise of an animal companion. It meets on the second Tuesday of the month at 6:30 p.m. at Heaven at Home Pet Hospice, 1530 Monroe Ave. NW, Grand Rapids. More information is available at
www.animalblessings.love; 616-460-0373; and
[email protected].
Ashcroft says it’s important for people to know the grief support group doesn’t judge others.
“With a group like this, you’re affirmed it’s OK, everybody grieves in their own way,” says Ashcroft. “There’s no wrong answer, there’s no timeline.”
According to Mikita, people’s grief is sometimes coupled with guilt if they made the decision to euthanize their animal companion.
“There is something powerful about being with others who get it,” says Mikita. ‘The only rule is you can’t begin your statement with, ‘I know this sounds crazy.’ Sometimes people feel like they need to filter what they say, but when you come into the group, the people in the group get it. There’s a lot of ‘me too,’ and they don’t have to be ashamed to say that.”
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Courtesy Ginny MikitaThe Rev. Ginny Mikita loves all kinds of animals and considers them to be equal to humans.
And time doesn’t necessarily assuage their grief. Some join the group years after their pets have died.
“People have a platter of grief that is so heavy when they walk into the group and someone else will say, ‘I’ll take that off your plate,’ “ says Mikita. “At the end of the group, it’s a much lighter burden.”
Unexpected journey
Mikita is a 1991 graduate of Notre Dame Law School and 2023 graduate of One Spirit Interfaith Seminary and Compassion Consortium’s Animal Chaplaincy Training. She holds the Center for Loss Death and Grief Studies Certification.
She and her husband, Bob Kruse, have their own compassion- and social justice-based law practice, Mikita Kruse Law, in which they represent neglected, abused and unaccompanied refugee children, LGBTQ+ individuals (particularly transgender people), animals and those who care for them, and incapacitated adults.
In 2018, Mikita was among the first class of inductees into the Animal Friendly Attorney program, a service designed for people who care about animals and are seeking legal help.
Mikita’s journey to becoming an animal chaplain was not planned. Nearly 14 years ago she offered to join the board of the Humane Society of West Michigan but was told instead the nonprofit needed a grief support facilitator. Mikita, who had worked as a night chaplain at what was then Spectrum Health Butterworth Hospital, felt working with people and their animals was a hand-in-glove fit.
“I went and got some training in facilitating support groups in Colorado called the Center for Loss and Life Transition, and so I got a death and grief certification,” says Mikita.
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Courtesy Ginny MikitaThe Rev. Ginny Mikita poses with a chicken.
Honoring animals’ sacred worth
Animal chaplains use a variety of tools, including ritual, ceremony and spiritual companionship, according to Mikita.
“They pull from many belief systems, including religions, wisdom traditions and scientific perspectives,” she says.
Mikita is also affiliated with Animal Blessings, an organization dedicated to honoring the sacred worth of all animals, captive animals exploited by humans, and wild animals who are hunted or at risk of extinction.
Much of Animal Blessings’ work centers on companion animals of all species – dogs, cats, fish, birds, ferrets, hedgehogs, and others.
Mikita doesn’t consider animals any lower than humans, which is why she refers to them as animal companions instead of pets, a term she considers pejorative.
“The word ‘pet’ to me connotes a hierarchy,” she says. “All animals are created in the image of God, and I believe we have an obligation to care and nurture them.”
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Courtesy Ginny MikitaThe Rev. Ginny Mikita uses the term "animal companions" in place of "pets," which she considers pejorative.
Every year, Mikita presides over blessings of the animals that are offered in various secular and religious settings, including Douglas United Church of Christ and St. Francis Sculpture Garden. Cats, dogs, goldfish, horses, possums, chickens and more have been blessed.
“I really feel it’s ‘blessing by the animals,’” says Mikita. “I feel like it’s an opportunity to publicly express our gratitude for the beauty and joy that they add to our lives and into the world. And it’s an opportunity for animals to come out of their homes and be introduced to the world as the family members that they are.”