Published Together: The power of pronouns (It’s all about respect)

My mom is big on respect. When I was a kid, she would tell me clearly what words I was supposed to use to address the people around me: “Aunty,” “Mr.,” “Doctor.” Using the right words showed that I was respectful and my being respectful reflected well on her as my mother. 

As an adult, being respectful has different stakes. We represent ourselves, our organizations and our employers. And while kids are often told which words to use, adults are expected to guess. 

This often plays out in a variety of ways in our day-to-day lives. We assume “Ms.” or “Mr.” based on vocal tone, body type or dozens of other little factors. Our assumptions about respect are based on how we were raised, but not everyone is raised the same way.  

So interacting with others in a respectful way means we have to understand what respectful is to them. Interacting with others based on assumptions that are rooted in our culture doesn’t honor the many cultures that live within our communities. To truly know our neighbors, we must acknowledge our similarities and differences.

While we hear a lot of public debate about pronouns, within hides the fact that, at the end of the day, it’s all about respect. Just as it would be rude to insist someone’s name is Josh when they repeatedly tell you it’s Noah, it’s rude to ignore someone telling you the pronouns they use. A culture that won’t acknowledge a person’s personal experience is a culture that does not value respect. 

A business lives and dies on its culture. Building a culture of respect not only makes the workplace a more welcoming environment, but it also makes the business look good to the public. The Grand Rapids LGBTQ+ Healthcare Consortium provides training on the power of pronouns to help organizations achieve and maintain a culture of respect. Our goal is to help make healthcare accessible for the LGBTQ+ population. 

Healthcare providers that don’t focus on LGBTQ+ health can still benefit from inclusive policies. For example, consider a patient who is a cisgender woman – “cisgender” meaning someone whose assigned gender matches their gender identity. She is being treated for breast cancer. 

She has had to have both breasts removed. Due to her treatment, her hair only recently started growing back; it’s short and thin. If she went to a new doctor for an earache, how would she be treated? Would the receptionist call her “Mr. Smith” because she “looks like a man”?

Nonsense. 

If the office asks all patients for their pronouns, the receptionist (as well as the nurses and the doctors) would know to call her by “she” and “her.” This affirms her womanhood, showing the office’s respect for her as a patient and supporting her during a difficult time. 

This is what it’s all about — showing respect for everyone, making a space for everyone. 

One may think it would be easy to distinguish transgender patients from cisgender ones, even patients with ambiguous appearances. This is not always the case. Implementing trans-inclusive policies builds respect for all patients. It helps avoid the awkwardness of having to correct mistaken assumptions. Building that respect helps your patients have a good experience at your office. 

In one of our training programs at the Consortium, we play a video of the Canada 150 “#EatTogether” ad, which is situated in an apartment building. The building’s inhabitants walk past each other in a hallway and squeeze together in an elevator, but they never quite look at each other. Then, in the hallway, someone sets a dining table. They invite the people living in the other apartments to eat with them.
As more people are invited, more chairs are pulled up, and places are set for them. Now the inhabitants are talking to each other, smiling, sharing their food and their stories. They’re not just people who live in the same apartment building anymore. Now, they’re neighbors. Community is built when we show respect for our neighbors and make space for them.
At the Consortium, we work to build a community that is safe and welcoming. Change is hard, but with support, adjusting becomes easier. This support is how we build a better and brighter Michigan.
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Adrian Kresnak is seeking a Master’s Degree in Health Communication from Michigan State University and has spent the last three months as an intern at The Grand Rapids LGBTQ+ Healthcare Consortium. She hopes to continue advocating for minority health after graduation.  

"Published Together" by Rapid Growth is our dynamic interpretation of Op-eds, fueled by community dialogues led by our visionary Publisher, Tommy Allen. Born amid the pandemic, this series has magnified over 25 authentic voices from our community, spanning diverse and burgeoning subjects. A potent conduit, it empowers local perspectives to ascend within our solutions-driven journalistic platform, aiming to ignite inspiration among our readers.