The stigmas attached to mental health diagnosis and treatment have long followed a narrative of exclusion. Those suffering from mental health issues can find themselves feeling like their condition, and the act of seeking help for it, are a weakness.
Families and loved ones are impacted by this narrative, too.
Vonnie Woodrick felt that impact when she lost her husband to depression in 2003. Conversations on loss with others become exceedingly difficult as many people don't know how to respond when the topic of suicide comes up. More often than not, Woodrick found herself being asked how it happened.
"And when you ask me how he did it, that triggers me," Woodrick says. "But if you asked me that question and I answered, 'He died from depression,' how does that make you feel? A little bit different. It's a little bit easier to swallow and understand."
Woodrick is now playing a central role in changing the narrative these conversations follow. She and her children created the nonprofit
I Understand with three simple goals — to create a community of support, love and understanding, to create awareness about suicide and mental/brain health issues and to help others feel less alone.
"I had no idea it would come to the level that it's come to, and if I can help one person that's all that matters to me," she says. "I felt like I was an army of one and since I started sharing my story, I suddenly have these troops behind me that want to share their story and change the language that we use to reduce that stigma and judgment, because when we do that, we save lives."
Woodrick has written a book, "
I Understand: Pain, Love, and Healing after Suicide" which is carried by 52 units of the Michigan Sheriffs Association and given to families affected by suicide. Her podcast, "
Behind the Smile," brings on guest speakers like TV news personalities Ginger Zee, from New York, and Claire Anderson, from Seattle, as well as local names like Sheriff Michelle LaJoye-Young and Jordan Carson, each sharing their stories and insight with subscribers from all over the country.
Through these channels, Woodrick wants to show that the definition of suicide as one who intentionally kills themselves is outdated and stigmatizing. A more accurate definition focuses on an effect of illness or pain on brain health.
"We encourage a change of language. It costs nothing but we all can do it and it definitely will reduce the stigma and judgment, not only for those that have lost but for those that are struggling or living with a mental health illness or some sort of pain," Woodrick says. "Pain is the common denominator of all suicides."
That pain may come from a brain health illness, but it also comes from grief, loss, isolation, bullying, heartache, financial devastation, or countless other issues.
"All those things can add suicidal thoughts and suicidal behaviors," Woodrick says, offering two ways she sees as especially important to reducing pain.
The first is to reach out when you know someone could be suffering from something, potentially exhibiting changes in behavior. The second step is arguably more important, Woodrick says, and involves advocating for yourself.
"We have to start talking about if we are feeling those suicidal thoughts and suicidal action, because it's the stigma that doesn't allow people to reach out," Woodrick says. "Stigma is the number one reason why people struggling don't ask for help."
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Dr. Adelle Cadieux is a pediatric psychologist who has worked with
Spectrum Health since 2008. Her primary specialization is pediatric obesity, which has its own form of stigmatization.
"There are so many different levels of stigma," Cadieux says. "At the very personal level, somebody who comes in for care who has a mental health condition may have their own ideas about stigma for themselves. They may already feel shame or that if they admit to having symptoms they're going to be rejected or treated differently or discriminated against."
Cadieux says care providers can help people feel comfortable with the idea that having a mental health condition or having mental health symptoms does not make one weak or different.
"In fact, many Americans, and many people across the world, have these kinds of symptoms," Cadieux says. "We try to help normalize it so that that person doesn't feel that shame or that stigma."
This work of fighting stigma is not without its challenges, one being funding for research. Annual expenditures on physiological treatments are far greater than those for mental health. Reducing that disparity is important in reducing the stigmas that surround mental health. Providers can do this by not only making sure people know that they have access to mental health care, but by making the experience like seeing any other doctor, Cadieux says.
While it can be challenging to find respite from the stigmas that surround mental health, monthly support groups for those affected by suicide offer a nonjudgmental space to sit, listen to others and "pour your heart out," according to support group attendee and regular speaker Julie Gregory.
For several years now, Woodrick has hosted a support group on the third Wednesday of the month, with a second group, which Gregory will lead, beginning in February.
Gregory lost her 28-year-old daughter to depression in 2015, exacerbated by bipolar disorder and bullying at work. She hid her pain from colleagues and friends, even her family.
"She was afraid to say anything," Gregory says. "The stigma of having a mental health issue is so great that even my middle child had no idea that his sister suffered. It was important to her that he did not know because she was afraid that he would judge her.”
"People with the struggle, they only tell you what they want you to know," she continues. "If they feel like you're going to judge them or look down at them for their struggles, then they don't tell you."
During the group meetings, when it's her turn to share, Gregory chooses to focus on "the why instead of how." She never uses the word "suicide" because, even before meeting Vonnie, she understood the pain of underlying mental health issues to be the ultimate cause of her daughter's death.
"Sometimes, with an illness, people can get better, and sometimes they can't. With my daughter, it wasn't a surprise. She would never promise me that she wouldn't do anything to herself. It was really hard at first to say this, but it was almost a point of not if she was going to enter pain, but when.”
"It was a year's worth of trying to reach her, trying to show her hope, trying to get her to see that there's so much more out there than the job that she had. There's so much more to see in front of you," Gregory continues. "And that's what I try to bring to the group — I try to always look at a glass half full. I was so lucky to have her for 28 years. That's my glass half full."
The I Understand Butterfly Award represents "the challenges and changes one goes through, yet through time and transformation, emerges into something beautiful." Gregory was named the Butterfly Award recipient at the I Understand Five Year Anniversary Celebration Dinner held at Frederik Meijer Gardens in September 2019.
“Dubbed the Pink Heart Queen, Julie’s cross country road trip with pink hearts in hand, passed out pink hearts throughout every state she drove through — 23 to date. Julie’s blogs have reached and touched thousands and her own heart is worn in her sleeve as she provides understanding to something so difficult to understand," Woodrick says of Gregory. "She will drop anything to have the opportunity to talk about [her daughter] Jes in order to help someone else.”
During her award presentation speech, Woodrick shared, “Julie, you have taken a dark situation and have transformed it into something that is so beautiful. I am proud to recognize you as this year’s Butterfly Award recipient.”
The award has sat in Gregory's living room ever since, a quiet reminder of the story she is always willing to share with a stranger – a narrative of hope, love and healing.
If you or someone you know is suffering from pain related to mental health issues, the following resources can offer some help:
Spectrum Health Services - https://www.spectrumhealth.org/services/behavioral-health
Kent District Library Community Resources: Mental Health - https://kdl.org/community-resources/mental-health/
Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services - https://www.pinerest.org/
North Kent Guidance Services - https://www.northkentguidance.com/
Hope Network Behavioral Health Services - https://www.northkentguidance.com/
Kent County Mental Health Resources - https://kentmhr.com/support-groups/
National Alliance on Mental Illness - http://www.namigrandrapidsmn.org/
If you have a mental health crisis, call (218) 326-8565 or 2-1-1. Text MN to 741741 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1(800) 273-8255.
This series is underwritten by Spectrum Health.
Photos courtesy of Kristina Bird, Bird + Bird Studio